So, it's a new day. I'm happy to announce that my divorce is now final. The final hearing was yesterday, Oct. 31, at 9 am. It took a half an hour to end a 14 year marriage, and somehow, it's just sad to me. The deal is that he will have to continue to pay for my car, it's insurance, and have it registered in either of the states where we live (it's registered in MD right now, as HE didn't think it was illegal to have a vehicle registered to an address that neither of us live at), and he's to do that until the car is paid off. Once the car is paid off, he is to sign the title over to me, as I hold full ownership of said vehicle. There will be no other alimony. He also has to return the items that I have asked for, and those include my Christmas Decorations! YAY! I get them back, and I never have to see photos of one of his girlfriends wearing MY Civil War clothing ever again!
At this point, I just want to start new, have a new life, a new love, and a new me. I've been working hard on myself over the past 18 months, and I'm almost ready for the new love. Need to grieve just a little bit more, and then I'll pick myself off, dust myself off, and move on. Moving on is a good thing. It's almost time to do so.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
Political Views
So, OK, for those of you who know me, you know that I'm pretty conservative. This year, when I registered to vote, I actually registered Independent. I can't believe that I did that. I also don't like either of the choices that we have this year for president. I don't know what I'm going to do. I do know this much though...I am sick and tired of both parties bashing the heck out of each other. The Liberals can't stand the Conservatives, and the Conservatives can't stand the Liberals. Each side is throwing mud on the other side, and it is making most American's crazy.
I'm tired of it all. Can't it be November 7th already? The closer it gets the worse the commercials get on tv, the worse my facebook wall looks, with everyone blasting each other. It's all full of hate, and misunderstanding. Neither side is willing to look at the other's point of view, and both sides think that their way is the ONLY way.
Either way...I'm just so over it all!
I'm tired of it all. Can't it be November 7th already? The closer it gets the worse the commercials get on tv, the worse my facebook wall looks, with everyone blasting each other. It's all full of hate, and misunderstanding. Neither side is willing to look at the other's point of view, and both sides think that their way is the ONLY way.
Either way...I'm just so over it all!
Monday, October 15, 2012
Making my Daddy proud
Well, that was a title that I never thought that I'd use. It has always seemed that I was always a disappointment to my father. Typing that out hurts me more that I really want to admit. But it's the truth. It seems as though I've been more disappointing to him than anything else. Today, however, my Daddy told me that he was proud of me. He's proud of how I am handling myself through the divorce proceedings, and that I'm not losing my brain and freaking out on anyone about it. He's proud of me for going back to school at my age, and being courageous (his word) enough to want an education. He's unbelievably proud of my GPA. For my dad, the Electrical Engineering Professor at Liberty University, this is a HUGE deal, that his daughter, has decided to go back to college, and actually do it, and then to have the grades that I have.
I think that the last time my father told me that he was proud of me, was right after I delivered David, my son. So, this is a big deal for me. In an earlier blog I wrote that I've been pretty emotional lately, so to be very honest, those words, spoken to me by my daddy made me cry, but in a good way. I'm crying now, to be even more honest. I love that he said that to me.
Daddy, I've always wanted to make you proud, and I'm sorry that it's taken me this long to do it. I love you, and respect you probably more than you'll ever know, and hearing you say those words were a balm to my very heavy heart and soul. Thank you!
I think that the last time my father told me that he was proud of me, was right after I delivered David, my son. So, this is a big deal for me. In an earlier blog I wrote that I've been pretty emotional lately, so to be very honest, those words, spoken to me by my daddy made me cry, but in a good way. I'm crying now, to be even more honest. I love that he said that to me.
Daddy, I've always wanted to make you proud, and I'm sorry that it's taken me this long to do it. I love you, and respect you probably more than you'll ever know, and hearing you say those words were a balm to my very heavy heart and soul. Thank you!
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Emotional
Not really sure what's going on with me this month. I am so emotional these days. Seems like it doesn't take much to make me cry, and I am not fully sure where it's coming from.
Some days, I feel overwhelmed with school, but I am doing really well there, work is good too, busy, but good. So, the only other thing that I can think of is that it has to be coming from the divorce camp. It's got to be that. No wonder...I guess ending a 14 year marriage, and a 15 year relationship should be emotional. Of course, looking back over the last 18 months worth of postings, didn't help much either. I was in a really dark place back then. I'm not so dark anymore, and can see light almost everywhere I look. However, there's this one shadow, and I can see the light at the end of that tunnel too....October 31, and we should be finished.
I guess that it doesn't help that husband's new fiancee has decided to bash me on her facebook wall, when she knows NOTHING of me, let alone about me, or who I really am. She has a skewed version of all of that. Of course, she's only hearing things from him, so why should I care? I do, however, because my CHILDREN see her postings. She wants to be friendly with MY kids...NOT his kids, but MINE! I don't understand that....he doesn't want much to do with them, complained about having to spend money on them, and whatever...it doesn't matter anymore, but why, try to be friends with MY kids, and then bash their mother, in a forum where THEY can see it? Great way to upset my kids, there, honey...obviously YOU have NO clue on how to deal with the fact that I don't say anything bad about you, or your new fiancee, nor do I think that you aren't worthy to have alimony because you raised your husband's 3 kids, ran the household, and if you think I didn't, you need to get better information, sweetie....I have DOZENS of witnesses who will say otherwise...Oh, and for the record...I WORKED, I have worked since I was 14, and I worked hard, long hours, shifts that others wouldn't or couldn't take, and I still was able to raise FIVE kids, manage a household, and do the chores, as well as deal with NUMEROUS surgeries, and an implant in my spine...so be careful of what you say, as slander is a great way to have yourself sued.
Some days, I feel overwhelmed with school, but I am doing really well there, work is good too, busy, but good. So, the only other thing that I can think of is that it has to be coming from the divorce camp. It's got to be that. No wonder...I guess ending a 14 year marriage, and a 15 year relationship should be emotional. Of course, looking back over the last 18 months worth of postings, didn't help much either. I was in a really dark place back then. I'm not so dark anymore, and can see light almost everywhere I look. However, there's this one shadow, and I can see the light at the end of that tunnel too....October 31, and we should be finished.
I guess that it doesn't help that husband's new fiancee has decided to bash me on her facebook wall, when she knows NOTHING of me, let alone about me, or who I really am. She has a skewed version of all of that. Of course, she's only hearing things from him, so why should I care? I do, however, because my CHILDREN see her postings. She wants to be friendly with MY kids...NOT his kids, but MINE! I don't understand that....he doesn't want much to do with them, complained about having to spend money on them, and whatever...it doesn't matter anymore, but why, try to be friends with MY kids, and then bash their mother, in a forum where THEY can see it? Great way to upset my kids, there, honey...obviously YOU have NO clue on how to deal with the fact that I don't say anything bad about you, or your new fiancee, nor do I think that you aren't worthy to have alimony because you raised your husband's 3 kids, ran the household, and if you think I didn't, you need to get better information, sweetie....I have DOZENS of witnesses who will say otherwise...Oh, and for the record...I WORKED, I have worked since I was 14, and I worked hard, long hours, shifts that others wouldn't or couldn't take, and I still was able to raise FIVE kids, manage a household, and do the chores, as well as deal with NUMEROUS surgeries, and an implant in my spine...so be careful of what you say, as slander is a great way to have yourself sued.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Ahhhh.....RETAIL!
It's been a long day for me. Flash sale at work makes for a crazier evening. Fifty percent off everything in the store makes for some crazy shoppers. I love my job! That's the whole truth, but there are days when I wonder what I am doing there. I've been in retail and customer service jobs for over 30 years, and what I'm seeing is that some customers are just plain out, down-right rude. And I mean UGLY RUDE! There are times when I think that every customer who comes into our store has been wearing their cranky pants all day long, and decide to take out the ugly on us. I don't make the rules, I'm sorry that you cannot use a coupon on flash sale days, even though the discount of the flash sale is so much better than the coupon could ever be, and I'm sorry that our company decides to suspend all coupons in our computers. I don't make that decision, nor do I make any decisions like that. I help you pick out clothes that will make you look good, and fashionable, I tell you the truth that your butt looks too big in those pants, let's try these instead. I help you pick out tops and earrings, and bras and panties. I spend my hours at work trying to keep my store clean, and inviting for you to do your shopping. Please, treat me with a little bit of respect, and try not to treat me as if I am dirt under your feet. I'm a human being too, and I would appreicate not being verbally abused by you. And for the record, I do not HAVE to wait on you if you are acting like a total bitch and verbally abusing me. I can ask you to leave my store if you are being impossible to please. Come back another day when you're not in full out bitch mode...K? Thanks!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Long time no write
It's been a very long time since I've written in my blog. Time to fix that. I've been pretty busy these days with school, work, and trying to get my divorce finalized. So much going on, and a lot of stress, but I'm working through it all, and smiling as I go.
I've found that it's better to laugh than cry, and to be happy than sad. I'm choosing happiness. It's a nice choice. It doesn't really take that much to make me happy either. A phone call, to say you're thinking about me; a hug; and time well spent.
Divorce proceedings have been interesting to say the very least. I'm not going into details now, however, let's just say that acting as my own attorney is a bit scary. I just know that I have to be more prepared than I thought I'd have to be. I'm learning a lot about the Law, and the Law as it is perceived in West Virginia. I have a whole new respect for it, that's for sure.
As for school, I still have my 4.0 gpa, and am working really hard to keep it that way. This 5 week class is on personal finance, and I'm learning a lot about budgeting, and I'm thinking that it just might be time to hire a personal financial planner. I've never been great with handling budgets, but I'm getting better, and am learning more about them.
I've learned a lot about friendship in the past few months, and believe that my friends are who keep me sane! Thanks y'all for being there for me, allowing me to spend time with you, to laugh with you, to cry with you, and for allowing me to cry on your shoulders as well.
October 31 should be the final divorce hearing, and I'll be free, FINALLY!
I've found that it's better to laugh than cry, and to be happy than sad. I'm choosing happiness. It's a nice choice. It doesn't really take that much to make me happy either. A phone call, to say you're thinking about me; a hug; and time well spent.
Divorce proceedings have been interesting to say the very least. I'm not going into details now, however, let's just say that acting as my own attorney is a bit scary. I just know that I have to be more prepared than I thought I'd have to be. I'm learning a lot about the Law, and the Law as it is perceived in West Virginia. I have a whole new respect for it, that's for sure.
As for school, I still have my 4.0 gpa, and am working really hard to keep it that way. This 5 week class is on personal finance, and I'm learning a lot about budgeting, and I'm thinking that it just might be time to hire a personal financial planner. I've never been great with handling budgets, but I'm getting better, and am learning more about them.
I've learned a lot about friendship in the past few months, and believe that my friends are who keep me sane! Thanks y'all for being there for me, allowing me to spend time with you, to laugh with you, to cry with you, and for allowing me to cry on your shoulders as well.
October 31 should be the final divorce hearing, and I'll be free, FINALLY!
Thursday, August 30, 2012
It's been a while since I've had the time to write in my blog
It's been a really long time since I've written anything in my blog. I've been so busy with school and work, and my life, that I just haven't had the time to write in it. There's also the fact that my soon-to-be-ex-husband is now engaged for a second time, and I'm not supposed to be writing about that...even though HE announced it on facebook. Whatever! It's my blog and I'll write what I want, when I want, and about whomever I want! That's the right of freedom of speech! Get over it!
School is going great, and my grades are really good! I have a 4.0 GPA, and for that, I'm highly excited. I've worked really hard for these grades, and will continue to do so, as it's important to me to get the highest grades that I am capable of getting! It all has to do with wanting that which is excellent in my life. I don't really want anything else than excellence in my life. I'm going to be pretty passionate about that.
So, I hope that the rest of you are doing well, and are enjoying the waning days of Summer. As for me, I'm so looking forward to Fall, and the air becoming crisper and cooler. It's my favorite time of the year!
School is going great, and my grades are really good! I have a 4.0 GPA, and for that, I'm highly excited. I've worked really hard for these grades, and will continue to do so, as it's important to me to get the highest grades that I am capable of getting! It all has to do with wanting that which is excellent in my life. I don't really want anything else than excellence in my life. I'm going to be pretty passionate about that.
So, I hope that the rest of you are doing well, and are enjoying the waning days of Summer. As for me, I'm so looking forward to Fall, and the air becoming crisper and cooler. It's my favorite time of the year!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Tuesday
For the past couple of months, Tuesday has been my favorite day of the week. Why? For the simple reason that it is the day that I can do absolutely NOTHING, if I wish to do nothing, or I can do whatever I want to do. I know that most people have this day on either Saturday or Sunday, but I work in retail sales, so weekend work is mandatory for me. However Monday and Tuesday work is NOT mandatory for me, and I've asked to be off those 2 days of the week.
Monday is my day at school, and I'm usually finishing up some kind of assignment, so that I can hand it in before my class starts at 6 pm. I love going to campus one night a week. It makes the work a lot easier for me, and I thrive in the classroom environment.
Last night, due to some procrastination on my part, and due to some issues with my online labs, I was working on homework that was due by 3 am. I finally had every last assignment completed and submitted to my instructor by 2:30, giving me a half an hour to breathe. I do not like to submit my assignments that late. No, I didn't hand the assignment in late, and I will receive full credit for the assignments, what I'm saying is that I typically have my assignments completed and submitted before sometime on Saturday. I like to submit them early, so that I can have time to hang out on the weekend, when I'm not working.
So, saying all of that, let me just say that Tuesdays are my relaxing days. I am taking full advantage of that today. I finally fell asleep at 5:30 this morning, and so, I slept until 12:30, my brain finally caught up with me around 1:00 this afternoon. Now, I'm still in my PJ's, and have no desire to get out of them today. I think that I am just going to catch up on my DVR'd programs on the tube, and just veg out. I think this sounds like a great idea!
Hope that y'all are having a great week!
Monday is my day at school, and I'm usually finishing up some kind of assignment, so that I can hand it in before my class starts at 6 pm. I love going to campus one night a week. It makes the work a lot easier for me, and I thrive in the classroom environment.
Last night, due to some procrastination on my part, and due to some issues with my online labs, I was working on homework that was due by 3 am. I finally had every last assignment completed and submitted to my instructor by 2:30, giving me a half an hour to breathe. I do not like to submit my assignments that late. No, I didn't hand the assignment in late, and I will receive full credit for the assignments, what I'm saying is that I typically have my assignments completed and submitted before sometime on Saturday. I like to submit them early, so that I can have time to hang out on the weekend, when I'm not working.
So, saying all of that, let me just say that Tuesdays are my relaxing days. I am taking full advantage of that today. I finally fell asleep at 5:30 this morning, and so, I slept until 12:30, my brain finally caught up with me around 1:00 this afternoon. Now, I'm still in my PJ's, and have no desire to get out of them today. I think that I am just going to catch up on my DVR'd programs on the tube, and just veg out. I think this sounds like a great idea!
Hope that y'all are having a great week!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Special Friends
Tonight, I am thinking about the people in my life who are special friends. Now, we all know that I joke a lot about being "special", as in special ed, but I'm not talking about that at all. I'm talking about the people who love me and support me, no matter what.
With the happenings of this week, and my son's inability to follow the rules of his probation, I've had a really bad start to this week. It's ended so much better. Those of you who have stepped up, and loved and supported me through all of this, you know who you are. I am not going to mention names, but I will say to each and every one of you, that I appreciate you more than you all will probably ever know, because I am not sure that are words in the English language to express how much I love and appreciate you.
You are the people who encourage me, tell me when I'm doing something wrong, support me when I'm doing the right things, tell me that I can do whatever it is that I have set my mind to doing and let me know that I'm on the right track. You let me know your opinions, and do not get frustrated with me, if I decide to follow my own path. Those of you who respect me, and understand that I have to have boundaries in my life, and encourage me to set those, and hold me to them. To you who will hold my feet to the fire, if I'm walking in an inappropriate direction, and those of you who will keep me accountable, to you: THANK YOU!
With the happenings of this week, and my son's inability to follow the rules of his probation, I've had a really bad start to this week. It's ended so much better. Those of you who have stepped up, and loved and supported me through all of this, you know who you are. I am not going to mention names, but I will say to each and every one of you, that I appreciate you more than you all will probably ever know, because I am not sure that are words in the English language to express how much I love and appreciate you.
You are the people who encourage me, tell me when I'm doing something wrong, support me when I'm doing the right things, tell me that I can do whatever it is that I have set my mind to doing and let me know that I'm on the right track. You let me know your opinions, and do not get frustrated with me, if I decide to follow my own path. Those of you who respect me, and understand that I have to have boundaries in my life, and encourage me to set those, and hold me to them. To you who will hold my feet to the fire, if I'm walking in an inappropriate direction, and those of you who will keep me accountable, to you: THANK YOU!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
FRUSTRATION
The past 2 days have been filled with major amounts of frustration for me. As y'all know, I've chosen to go back to school full time. Y'all also know that I only go to school one night a week to campus, but the rest of the work is done online. The University of Phoenix works a lot with learning teams. This is the first week that we are working in our teams. There are four people on a learning team. We are also to switch off as the team leader for the week, in the next 4 weeks of class.
So, this week, I was elected as the team leader. We have 2 assignments that needed to be completed. With that said, the first assignment was a team charter, to have all of our rules, and each of our other contact information, such as phone number and outside of school e-mail addresses. All but one of the team members did that much. The other things in the team charter have to do with what rules that we'll follow, and it's important to have each team member be involved in setting of these rules for our team. If one team member cannot be involved in setting these rules, he or she is going to be pretty upset in having to follow rules that they did not agree to.
The second assignment is a worksheet that has to have 3 paragraphs. The one that was assigned to the specific team mate who has been AWOL, is on personal responsibility. The other 2 team mates wrote their paragraphs, sent them to me to edit, and now, I have to put those paragraphs together, write the AWOL team member's paragraph, and then edit ALL of these together to make one cohesive document. UGH!
I'm just really frustrated with this, as I have my reasons for wanting good grades, my other team members have their reasons for wanting the same things. If those of us who want the same grades, and have the wherewithal to go out and get those grades, and do the work that is needed to get those grades, then why should we be saddled with a team mate who doesn't want those things, and who is holding back the rest of the team? Is it fair to the rest of us? I don't think so. Fortunately, neither does our instructor. I've been in constant contact with the rest of the team and in contact with our instructor today. She is going to not reduce our grade because of the ineptitude of one of our team. That's the good news. Now, however, the frustration is that the work still needs to get done, and I have to be the one to do her share of the work.
Arg!
So, this week, I was elected as the team leader. We have 2 assignments that needed to be completed. With that said, the first assignment was a team charter, to have all of our rules, and each of our other contact information, such as phone number and outside of school e-mail addresses. All but one of the team members did that much. The other things in the team charter have to do with what rules that we'll follow, and it's important to have each team member be involved in setting of these rules for our team. If one team member cannot be involved in setting these rules, he or she is going to be pretty upset in having to follow rules that they did not agree to.
The second assignment is a worksheet that has to have 3 paragraphs. The one that was assigned to the specific team mate who has been AWOL, is on personal responsibility. The other 2 team mates wrote their paragraphs, sent them to me to edit, and now, I have to put those paragraphs together, write the AWOL team member's paragraph, and then edit ALL of these together to make one cohesive document. UGH!
I'm just really frustrated with this, as I have my reasons for wanting good grades, my other team members have their reasons for wanting the same things. If those of us who want the same grades, and have the wherewithal to go out and get those grades, and do the work that is needed to get those grades, then why should we be saddled with a team mate who doesn't want those things, and who is holding back the rest of the team? Is it fair to the rest of us? I don't think so. Fortunately, neither does our instructor. I've been in constant contact with the rest of the team and in contact with our instructor today. She is going to not reduce our grade because of the ineptitude of one of our team. That's the good news. Now, however, the frustration is that the work still needs to get done, and I have to be the one to do her share of the work.
Arg!
Friday, July 13, 2012
What was I thinking?
So, I started my first "real" college class this week. What was I thinking? I am completely overwhelmed! This is crazy stuff. I forgot how much I hated required reading..especially when it's something that I'm not too interested in, and then, there's the homework issue. Good Lord, am I too old for this? I have forgotten so much stuff. This week is all about grammar, and for the most part, I'm pretty good at grammar, but I've forgotten all about how to use commas, and semi-colons. Punctuation marks, proper sentence formation, congugating verbs...REALLY?!?!
I do love the learning process, but I'm thinking that if I'm having this much trouble remembering my grammar, which was a favorite subject of mine in high school, what is going to happen when I start a math class? OMG, a nightmare to be sure! I am so not left-brained. I don't think in numbers, and I'm terrible at angles. Geometry is only good for shooting pool, bowling, and playing putt putt...I'm in trouble when it comes to math.
Ok, so the good thing is that University of Phoenix has workshops on math, and those are free, and believe me, I plan on going to some of those. I'm going to need them! They have a lot of resources too, and I've been using the grammar ones as well.
I'm more worried about all of the computer work. God knows that I am very technologically challenged, so that's a bit of an issue, but I'm working around it, and their web site is pretty easy to use. That helps. Every little bit seems to help.
I didn't expect this type of work-load, but I'll get used to it. I have too many goals with this whole "expanding my mind through education" thing. I want to have nothing less than a 3.85, and my main goal is a 4.0 for my gpa. I want to have the best grades that I can have, and that's important to me!
I do love the learning process, but I'm thinking that if I'm having this much trouble remembering my grammar, which was a favorite subject of mine in high school, what is going to happen when I start a math class? OMG, a nightmare to be sure! I am so not left-brained. I don't think in numbers, and I'm terrible at angles. Geometry is only good for shooting pool, bowling, and playing putt putt...I'm in trouble when it comes to math.
Ok, so the good thing is that University of Phoenix has workshops on math, and those are free, and believe me, I plan on going to some of those. I'm going to need them! They have a lot of resources too, and I've been using the grammar ones as well.
I'm more worried about all of the computer work. God knows that I am very technologically challenged, so that's a bit of an issue, but I'm working around it, and their web site is pretty easy to use. That helps. Every little bit seems to help.
I didn't expect this type of work-load, but I'll get used to it. I have too many goals with this whole "expanding my mind through education" thing. I want to have nothing less than a 3.85, and my main goal is a 4.0 for my gpa. I want to have the best grades that I can have, and that's important to me!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
School Supplies
I went "Back to School" shopping this morning. I don't know what it is about new school supplies that makes me so happy. All I know is that I now have new notebooks with no writing in them, a new dry erase board that's still white, new pens, and dry erase markers. It's all new...that might just be it..that it's new.
Last year, I didn't go school shopping because I didn't have kids in school, this year, I still don't have kids in school, but I am. Since most of my school work is done online, I didn't need a whole lot of things, just some pens, and a couple of things to make it easier for me to take notes. Even though everything is done on the computer, I'm still a bit old-schooled, in that I like to write things down. I learn better that way. If I hear something, then see it, and then write it down, I'm learning. It's the way I memorized my spelling words, or bible verses for school back in the 80's, it's how I learned my anatomy and physiology when I was an EMT student in the mid-90's, and it's how I learned what PSI to use on fire hoses, when I was a Fire Fighter Student in the late 90's. Now, things have so changed in the learning arena. I'm having some issues in keeping up with it. Somehow, it's not normal to read a book on my computer. It feels strange to me. I miss the pages in books, I miss the way that they smell, I just miss books! I miss writing my research papers on a typewriter...what happened to the return button, and hearing the barrel return, with a ding. Maybe I'm really just OLD!
Who knows...I will say this much...I do NOT miss the card catalog at the Library!
Last year, I didn't go school shopping because I didn't have kids in school, this year, I still don't have kids in school, but I am. Since most of my school work is done online, I didn't need a whole lot of things, just some pens, and a couple of things to make it easier for me to take notes. Even though everything is done on the computer, I'm still a bit old-schooled, in that I like to write things down. I learn better that way. If I hear something, then see it, and then write it down, I'm learning. It's the way I memorized my spelling words, or bible verses for school back in the 80's, it's how I learned my anatomy and physiology when I was an EMT student in the mid-90's, and it's how I learned what PSI to use on fire hoses, when I was a Fire Fighter Student in the late 90's. Now, things have so changed in the learning arena. I'm having some issues in keeping up with it. Somehow, it's not normal to read a book on my computer. It feels strange to me. I miss the pages in books, I miss the way that they smell, I just miss books! I miss writing my research papers on a typewriter...what happened to the return button, and hearing the barrel return, with a ding. Maybe I'm really just OLD!
Who knows...I will say this much...I do NOT miss the card catalog at the Library!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Self Protection
It has hit me lately that I need to be the one to say no in situations. I also need to set boundaries in my life. I'm sorry if that hurts some people, but the truth is that I get to say who touches my life, in which ways they touch my life, and how they touch my life. I also get to say who doesn't get to touch my life.
It strikes me as funny, in an ironic way, that people who have known me for a long time say things to me about my setting these boundaries that I've changed. Well, of course I've changed. My whole life has changed, and in most ways, it's changed drastically and for the better! However, it is MY responsibility to make sure that drama and stupidity do not touch my life. I don't like drama and stupidity. I just want to be happy, happy with my life and those who are in it. It's up to me to be responsible for my own happiness. Therefore, that means that I have to be the one to protect my heart, because, unfortunately, it just seems to me that no one will stand in the gap to protect my heart, so it's up to me to do it.
I'd love for someone to stand in that gap, however, that's not happening right now. I also don't think that it's too much to ask for, either. If I'm standing in the gap for someone else, I expect that he'll do the same for me. What happened to that? What happened to people protecting each other's hearts, when they are in relationships? What happened to putting their relationships first? What happened to plain old common sense? I don't know. I wish I did, but I don't.
It strikes me as funny, in an ironic way, that people who have known me for a long time say things to me about my setting these boundaries that I've changed. Well, of course I've changed. My whole life has changed, and in most ways, it's changed drastically and for the better! However, it is MY responsibility to make sure that drama and stupidity do not touch my life. I don't like drama and stupidity. I just want to be happy, happy with my life and those who are in it. It's up to me to be responsible for my own happiness. Therefore, that means that I have to be the one to protect my heart, because, unfortunately, it just seems to me that no one will stand in the gap to protect my heart, so it's up to me to do it.
I'd love for someone to stand in that gap, however, that's not happening right now. I also don't think that it's too much to ask for, either. If I'm standing in the gap for someone else, I expect that he'll do the same for me. What happened to that? What happened to people protecting each other's hearts, when they are in relationships? What happened to putting their relationships first? What happened to plain old common sense? I don't know. I wish I did, but I don't.
What is BEAUTY?
A friend asked this very question on her facebook wall the other day, and I'm curious about what everyone else thinks about this as well. I have also been thinking about this question, and why it's important to me.
I believe that beauty is found everywhere. I see it in the older woman's eyes, as she is being kind to another person and me at our workplace, when another customer has been unbelievably rude to us. I find beauty in nature all of the time...a sunset, a sunrise, the full moon on it's rise to the heavens, the lightening bugs, and all other manner of sources. I find beauty in the way a mother holds her child's hand, or how a father supports his children at sporting events. Sometimes, in even the ugliest of situations, I can find beauty. During an EMS call, when someone is in serious condition, I can find the way that a loved one cares for the sick or injured to be beautiful.
I have also found that some of the people that I have seen who are considered to be "Beautiful" are some of the ugliest people that I know, and their actions and attitudes are what make them so ugly to me. I don't always think that beautiful is a physical look, I think it's the inside of a person, and how they act and react to situations. I strive to be graceful in how I handle myself, and I can find that to be beautiful as well.
Now, do I think that I am physically beautiful, no...I don't. Now, don't get me wrong here, I don't think that I'm ugly either, nor do I think that I'm hideous. I just think that I'm never going to win any kind of beauty pageant, and that's alright by me. What I am is CUTE. I like being cute. Cute can get away with things that Beautiful cannot! I like being feisty, fiery, opinionated, loving, kind, and all of the things that I am. I've made my peace with not being one of the beautiful ones. I'm happy with it, and isn't that the most important thing in the end? That I'm happy with myself? That's what I think.
So, come on...tell me what YOU think is beautiful!!!
I believe that beauty is found everywhere. I see it in the older woman's eyes, as she is being kind to another person and me at our workplace, when another customer has been unbelievably rude to us. I find beauty in nature all of the time...a sunset, a sunrise, the full moon on it's rise to the heavens, the lightening bugs, and all other manner of sources. I find beauty in the way a mother holds her child's hand, or how a father supports his children at sporting events. Sometimes, in even the ugliest of situations, I can find beauty. During an EMS call, when someone is in serious condition, I can find the way that a loved one cares for the sick or injured to be beautiful.
I have also found that some of the people that I have seen who are considered to be "Beautiful" are some of the ugliest people that I know, and their actions and attitudes are what make them so ugly to me. I don't always think that beautiful is a physical look, I think it's the inside of a person, and how they act and react to situations. I strive to be graceful in how I handle myself, and I can find that to be beautiful as well.
Now, do I think that I am physically beautiful, no...I don't. Now, don't get me wrong here, I don't think that I'm ugly either, nor do I think that I'm hideous. I just think that I'm never going to win any kind of beauty pageant, and that's alright by me. What I am is CUTE. I like being cute. Cute can get away with things that Beautiful cannot! I like being feisty, fiery, opinionated, loving, kind, and all of the things that I am. I've made my peace with not being one of the beautiful ones. I'm happy with it, and isn't that the most important thing in the end? That I'm happy with myself? That's what I think.
So, come on...tell me what YOU think is beautiful!!!
Friday, June 29, 2012
After the tire mutilation
I went to go get new (to me, anyway) tires on my car today. Because I totally mutilated the driver's side tire, I decided to get matching tires on the front end. The passenger's side tire was also really bare...more than I thought it had been. Can't believe how well my car rides now! The young man who put the tires on my car was very nice, and I really enjoyed speaking with him. He is a Marine, now a vet, and has my respect. He was also really sweet in that he put my spare tire back into my trunk, where it belonged, and fixed it into place. He didn't have to do that, it's really not in his job description. It was great to know that some people really will go above and beyond in their jobs. It gives me great hope for the next generation. New tires feel great. I may need a front end alignment. I'll have to think about that, as it's going to be awhile before that happens, as new brakes will be more important, and I'm thinking that it's almost time for that to happen...oh, and I need an oil change and lube job (FOR THE CAR) done as soon as possible.
Hope that y'all have a great weekend.
Hope that y'all have a great weekend.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Yep...it's a Monday
Yep! That's the driver's side tire on my car. No, I wasn't in an accident, got about 2 blocks from my house, heard that flop, flop, flop sound of a flat tire, had to drive another block to get to a safe place to pull over, got out, looked at a flat tire, decided to head back home, praying the whole time that I wouldn't kill the rim on my wheel. Got it home, tore the tire on the drive home, pulled into the gravel part of our driveway, as the paved part is on a hill, and then jacked it up myself. HA! Forgot to loosen the lug nuts...go figure...I forgot something REALLY important! Lowered the car back down...took off what I THOUGHT were the lug nuts, raised it up again, and couldn't pull the dang thing off....found that those were just CAPS! Lowered the damned thing AGAIN...tried to loosen the ACTUAL lug nuts...couldn't get enough torque to do that, so in a flash of absolute frustration, a couple of nasty words, I gave up! Best friend called me at this point, and as y'all know, I cry when I'm frustrated...so, poor man caught me in tears. Told me to just put everything back in the trunk, he was on his way, as I supposed to be headed to his place to watch his son, my nephew, so that he could get some sleep so that he could work tonight. Needless to say, he got there, got me, took me to the campground, where I could get into the pool to cool off and swim off some frustration. Can't tell y'all how much I just wanted to kick my car! Didn't do it, but sure did want to do it!
Gotta love the best friend...he allowed me to use his car so that I could get to school tonight. I received my final grade for my orientation...full 4.0! YAY! So excited about that. I start my first credit bearing classes on the 9th of July. One week off, but not really. I have homework to get done before my first class, so, therefore, I'll get that done as soon as possible, so that it's done, and out of the way. I just feel better when I can do that. I prefer to get stuff done so that I can relax. Will 5 weeks of class, then 1 week off, and then another class at 5 weeks for the next 4 years...that will be my life. Work, school, divorce proceedings, and trying to have some kind of a life outside of those 3 things. Whew...I'm going to be busy!
Here's hoping that your Monday was better than mine, and that Tuesday will be much better than today!
Monday, June 18, 2012
Sad Day
Today is a very sad day. One of my cousins is being taken off of life support. My heart is crying for her daughters, my uncle, aunt, and her brothers and sister. I have no words for my family, nothing, except that I am sorry. Due to some life choices, she's been ill for a very long time, and unfortunately, all of her bodily systems have stopped working. The doctors have said that there is nothing that can be done, and that she is suffering and the family has chosen to remove her. I don't want her to suffer any more than she has, and I don't want my family to suffer either. I know that this is the most difficult thing that they have ever had to do, and I'm sure that it is not sitting easy with them. If you pray, please pray with me today, for the healing of their hearts, and the love of family to surround them today.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Falling
I know it's late, it's 2:43 am, to be exact, but I'm still awake. On Tuesday evening, I fell at my job. Came back into the store after a short break, and my feet slipped right out from underneath of me. I hit the floor HARD! So hard, actually, that it knocked the wind right out of me, and I ended up laying on the floor for a couple of seconds. As the evening went on, I was experiencing more and more pain in my back. I got home, took some OTC meds, and laid down with a heating pad. I slept fitfully, as rolling over was really painful, and when I woke up on Wednesday morning, I could barely move. Trip to the Urgent Care Center. They did x-rays, and fortunately, I didn't break my tailbone. The doc said it was amazing that I didn't, as the way that I fell, I should have! Thank you Jesus for that small miracle. So, they gave me some pain meds and a muscle relaxer, and I've been pretty loopy all day. I'm going back to work tomorrow from 10-2. I have to bring in my doctor's note, and then, run errands, pay my rent and so on. Life must go on.
I should be asleep, but I can't. I can't believe that I fell like that, and it scared the crap out of me, as well as my manager. My biggest fear, besides running out of gas, is falling. So, now that I've fallen, and I got right back up, I've realized that falling isn't such a bad thing, but it's not good for me either. I'm still in pain, still stiff, but I'm alive!
Can't wait until this weekend. An old co-worker of mine got married last Thursday, and on Sat, she is having a Pig Roast for her reception, and I'm going, also with another old co-worker. On Friday night, he and I are going to take his son to the Mont Alto (PA) fireman's carnival! It's fire hall carnival season! YAY! I've always loved those.
Hope y'all have a great weekend!
I should be asleep, but I can't. I can't believe that I fell like that, and it scared the crap out of me, as well as my manager. My biggest fear, besides running out of gas, is falling. So, now that I've fallen, and I got right back up, I've realized that falling isn't such a bad thing, but it's not good for me either. I'm still in pain, still stiff, but I'm alive!
Can't wait until this weekend. An old co-worker of mine got married last Thursday, and on Sat, she is having a Pig Roast for her reception, and I'm going, also with another old co-worker. On Friday night, he and I are going to take his son to the Mont Alto (PA) fireman's carnival! It's fire hall carnival season! YAY! I've always loved those.
Hope y'all have a great weekend!
Monday, June 11, 2012
Today is the First Day of the Rest of My Life!
That's right, that's today!!! Today IS the first day of the rest of my life. New beginnings are starting for me. Orientation classes start for me tonight, they will last for the next 3 weeks, then my credit baring classes will begin.
So, this morning, I was looking over my assignments, and finishing them, as well as submitting them to my facilitator, and once I had completed everything, it all hit me. ALL of it! This is a HUGE commitment. This is 4 years of my life, I will be almost 50 when I graduate. Needless to say, I had a bit of a freak out this morning with all of this realization hitting me. I ended up on my front porch, smoking a cigarette, and crying. It's a bit overwhelming, to be perfectly honest. As I paced my porch, I realized that I cry for pretty much two reasons: 1.) I'm really frustrated and 2.) I'm scared. The third and final reason is that I'm really sad. The other thing that I realized is that I have VERY supportive people in my life, who tell me that I can do this. To those people, I ask that you continue to tell me that, because I really need your support, and I probably need it more than you all realize.
The other thing that I thought about while pacing my porch (something I do when I need to really think something through), is that I realized that I am really a bit of a bitch. I say that because, you see, I've always been the supportive one in my relationships...I didn't much receive either support or validation from the people who were supposed to be doing those things, and in that, there is a very small part of me, that wants to, upon graduation, with my Bachelor's degree diploma in hand, run around my ex-husband, singing: "I did it, I did it, I DID IT"! Some of that is to rub it in his face that I completed something that he has not, a full college education. Yes, he has 2 AA degrees, and while I tried to get him to go back to school to complete his bachelor's degree, he always had some excuse why he couldn't do it, then take some class that didn't have credits towards his degree, but may or may not have furthered his career. Either way, I supported him in his doing so. When I wanted to try to to go back to school, there was always a reason or excuse as to why I couldn't...we didn't have the money, I was working full time, I was raising 5 kids, and where would I find the time to do this? There were any number of reasons, and so, I felt defeated, and just didn't do it. Now, here I am standing on the precipice, and ready to dive in, head first, into something that is really scaring me to bits!
So, now, this is me, saying: "Watch me do this! I'm going to do this, and not only will I do this, I will do it well, and am planning on graduating with as close to a 4.0 as I can get"!
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So, this morning, I was looking over my assignments, and finishing them, as well as submitting them to my facilitator, and once I had completed everything, it all hit me. ALL of it! This is a HUGE commitment. This is 4 years of my life, I will be almost 50 when I graduate. Needless to say, I had a bit of a freak out this morning with all of this realization hitting me. I ended up on my front porch, smoking a cigarette, and crying. It's a bit overwhelming, to be perfectly honest. As I paced my porch, I realized that I cry for pretty much two reasons: 1.) I'm really frustrated and 2.) I'm scared. The third and final reason is that I'm really sad. The other thing that I realized is that I have VERY supportive people in my life, who tell me that I can do this. To those people, I ask that you continue to tell me that, because I really need your support, and I probably need it more than you all realize.
The other thing that I thought about while pacing my porch (something I do when I need to really think something through), is that I realized that I am really a bit of a bitch. I say that because, you see, I've always been the supportive one in my relationships...I didn't much receive either support or validation from the people who were supposed to be doing those things, and in that, there is a very small part of me, that wants to, upon graduation, with my Bachelor's degree diploma in hand, run around my ex-husband, singing: "I did it, I did it, I DID IT"! Some of that is to rub it in his face that I completed something that he has not, a full college education. Yes, he has 2 AA degrees, and while I tried to get him to go back to school to complete his bachelor's degree, he always had some excuse why he couldn't do it, then take some class that didn't have credits towards his degree, but may or may not have furthered his career. Either way, I supported him in his doing so. When I wanted to try to to go back to school, there was always a reason or excuse as to why I couldn't...we didn't have the money, I was working full time, I was raising 5 kids, and where would I find the time to do this? There were any number of reasons, and so, I felt defeated, and just didn't do it. Now, here I am standing on the precipice, and ready to dive in, head first, into something that is really scaring me to bits!
So, now, this is me, saying: "Watch me do this! I'm going to do this, and not only will I do this, I will do it well, and am planning on graduating with as close to a 4.0 as I can get"!
3633333333333333333336
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Officially A College Student
I received the news this morning. I am officially a college student. My classes will start Monday evening, and I'm going for my bachelor's in Business Admin. I'm so excited and can't wait to start going to classes again. It's been about 15 years since I've taken any classes, and I'm so ready to begin! It's about time that I get to do something that is just for me, to better myself! I can't wait!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Cranky Day
So, today, I had to work. It's been a long week, to say the least. While I love the new job...I've missed being in retail. I know, I'm a bit crazy, but the truth is that I've missed talking to people, helping them build their wardrobes, teaching them about foundation garments. You'd be surprised at how many women are wearing the wrong sized bras! Anyway...I'm cranky today! I haven't been this cranky in a very long while. It's probably a good thing that I've got a day off tomorrow...even though I have to go see my doctor for my annual physical! YAY! NOT!
So, in my crankiness, I've been thinking that I want happiness, may have found some, and then I turn around, and someone has to just kick me down again. I'm kind of tired of that.
This weekend, my soon-to-be-ex-husband is down in Williamsburg, visiting our grandchildren, and I just can't say how sad that makes me to know that, yet again, I was good enough to raise his son, and now, I'm not good enough to be a grandmother. I just want to cry. I miss my son, his wife, and my grandsons so very much. I miss being a grandmother. I miss being involved in their lives, and knowing what is going on with them. I just miss being loved by them. I miss a 4 year old's arms around my neck, and his big blue eyes. I'm just not sure what to do about this. It really hurts being on the outside and looking in, and never being asked to join, or visit, or even being spoken to. I don't know how else to put it.
So, in my crankiness, I've been thinking that I want happiness, may have found some, and then I turn around, and someone has to just kick me down again. I'm kind of tired of that.
This weekend, my soon-to-be-ex-husband is down in Williamsburg, visiting our grandchildren, and I just can't say how sad that makes me to know that, yet again, I was good enough to raise his son, and now, I'm not good enough to be a grandmother. I just want to cry. I miss my son, his wife, and my grandsons so very much. I miss being a grandmother. I miss being involved in their lives, and knowing what is going on with them. I just miss being loved by them. I miss a 4 year old's arms around my neck, and his big blue eyes. I'm just not sure what to do about this. It really hurts being on the outside and looking in, and never being asked to join, or visit, or even being spoken to. I don't know how else to put it.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Another Rainy Monday
We're experiencing yet another rainy Monday. This week, I have no reason to be worried about the weather. Last weekend, was the wedding of my dear friend, Alicia, to my soon-to-be-ex-husband's oldest friend, Dave.
The wedding was beautiful, and the weather was spectacular. I'm so happy for them. They are just so made for each other, and mesh really well together. I wish for them, a lifetime of happiness.
Today, I woke up, had to run to the social security office, as I've somehow lost my SS card, then I had to run up to school to give them the official copy of the number, so that I can finish up my enrollment paperwork. YAY! Finally have that all completed. I start school on June 11. I can't wait for my classes to start. I'm really looking forward to working towards making myself better, and an education is one of the ways that I had planned on doing that. I am so happy that I decided to do this sooner than later. No more excuses for me...I'm jumping in!
The wedding was beautiful, and the weather was spectacular. I'm so happy for them. They are just so made for each other, and mesh really well together. I wish for them, a lifetime of happiness.
Today, I woke up, had to run to the social security office, as I've somehow lost my SS card, then I had to run up to school to give them the official copy of the number, so that I can finish up my enrollment paperwork. YAY! Finally have that all completed. I start school on June 11. I can't wait for my classes to start. I'm really looking forward to working towards making myself better, and an education is one of the ways that I had planned on doing that. I am so happy that I decided to do this sooner than later. No more excuses for me...I'm jumping in!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Who Loves Me?
So, these past few weeks, I've been doing some major thinking. Rather than being depressed about some of the things that I miss about being married, or in a long term relationship. Some of those things include being kissed good night, every night, having doors opened for me, and my significant other's hand on the small of my back and guiding me through, and having someone order my food for me at a resturaunt. So, instead, I decided to think about what I do have in my life, the good things.
These include: my kids, my mom and dad, my siblings, my best friend, my Momma P, and Pap, and numerous friends who love me, REALLY love me. The love me for who I am, as I stand, right now. Not for who I could be, or who they think that I should be. They deal with my imperfections, support me, and love me, even when I'm not very lovable.
Some other good things that are happening to me, are that I've signed up for Phoenix University, for my Bachelor's of Science in Business Administration. I'll start that on June 11th. I also start a new job on Tuesday, at a local Lane Bryant store. I'm so excited about that, as I loved working there before we had to move to Arkansas.
So, after spending the past couple of weeks thinking about who loves me, I want to challenge you, my supportive minions, to do the same. Make a list...it really helps.
These include: my kids, my mom and dad, my siblings, my best friend, my Momma P, and Pap, and numerous friends who love me, REALLY love me. The love me for who I am, as I stand, right now. Not for who I could be, or who they think that I should be. They deal with my imperfections, support me, and love me, even when I'm not very lovable.
Some other good things that are happening to me, are that I've signed up for Phoenix University, for my Bachelor's of Science in Business Administration. I'll start that on June 11th. I also start a new job on Tuesday, at a local Lane Bryant store. I'm so excited about that, as I loved working there before we had to move to Arkansas.
So, after spending the past couple of weeks thinking about who loves me, I want to challenge you, my supportive minions, to do the same. Make a list...it really helps.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Fair? NOT!
Lazy days are great. I'm enjoying being totally lazy today. I sat on my front porch, drinking coffee, smoking a cigarette, and enjoying my Cherry tree.
The problem with lazy days is that I get to thinking...A LOT! This isn't always a bad thing, but sometimes, I think about crazy stuff. Today, I find myself thinking (over-analyzing, anyway) about a conversation that I had Monday morning, VERY EARLY on Monday morning, with my best friend. He seems to think that I have not given myself enough time to get to know myself, and that I'm looking for a "feeling". As I think about that, I think that he's wrong. I know what I want, and I don't really want that "feeling" of new love, where you're just obsessed with that person. I don't really like that strong feeling, and find that it is kind of scary.
What I really want is that comfortable feeling with another person. It's that ease of relating with each other, enjoying that person's company, without having to say anything, deep discussions that make you think, and giggling together. That's what I really want. I want someone who gets me, and who I get. I also want chemistry...and now, I'm starting to think that what I want is impossible to find.
At this point, I just want my divorce to be legalized, so that I can finally get that behind me. Maybe once that's done, I'll be able to think about other things and get moving forward. Maybe that's my problem...I'm not really ready to move forward, and it bothers me that it was so easy for Kent to move forward, to forge a new life without me. Maybe I am just not over grieving for the loss of my hopes, plans and dreams for our future together. Maybe I'm becoming bitter. I don't know. I really don't know. I don't think it's fair, though that he's moved on...to greener pastures, so to speak, and I also think that the grass is always greener on the other side because there's more bullshit over there. Anyway, I digress. I think that I just want to be comfortable in my own skin right now. I want the fight of the divorce to be over. Even though Kent doesn't seem to think that there will be a fight, as soon as I ask for alimony, there will be...he won't be able to help himself on that front. I'll fight for what I need to have. I will NOT be living under the poverty level, while he gets to go forward with all that we BOTH worked hard for.
So, life's not fair...not that I expect it to be, but come-on, and give me a break once in awhile!
The problem with lazy days is that I get to thinking...A LOT! This isn't always a bad thing, but sometimes, I think about crazy stuff. Today, I find myself thinking (over-analyzing, anyway) about a conversation that I had Monday morning, VERY EARLY on Monday morning, with my best friend. He seems to think that I have not given myself enough time to get to know myself, and that I'm looking for a "feeling". As I think about that, I think that he's wrong. I know what I want, and I don't really want that "feeling" of new love, where you're just obsessed with that person. I don't really like that strong feeling, and find that it is kind of scary.
What I really want is that comfortable feeling with another person. It's that ease of relating with each other, enjoying that person's company, without having to say anything, deep discussions that make you think, and giggling together. That's what I really want. I want someone who gets me, and who I get. I also want chemistry...and now, I'm starting to think that what I want is impossible to find.
At this point, I just want my divorce to be legalized, so that I can finally get that behind me. Maybe once that's done, I'll be able to think about other things and get moving forward. Maybe that's my problem...I'm not really ready to move forward, and it bothers me that it was so easy for Kent to move forward, to forge a new life without me. Maybe I am just not over grieving for the loss of my hopes, plans and dreams for our future together. Maybe I'm becoming bitter. I don't know. I really don't know. I don't think it's fair, though that he's moved on...to greener pastures, so to speak, and I also think that the grass is always greener on the other side because there's more bullshit over there. Anyway, I digress. I think that I just want to be comfortable in my own skin right now. I want the fight of the divorce to be over. Even though Kent doesn't seem to think that there will be a fight, as soon as I ask for alimony, there will be...he won't be able to help himself on that front. I'll fight for what I need to have. I will NOT be living under the poverty level, while he gets to go forward with all that we BOTH worked hard for.
So, life's not fair...not that I expect it to be, but come-on, and give me a break once in awhile!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
I give up!
So, this is it...I give up! I am tired of the online dating scene. Personally, I think that dating just sucks. The whole thing is crazy. After the X-rated photos that were sent to me a couple of weeks ago, I am refusing to do this anymore. I think that I'm going to meet men the old-fashioned way...which means that I'm just going to run into men wherever I may find myself.
This means that I'm getting out more. I'm doing more things. I want to do those things. Next stop...new library card, as I need to read...and want to do so, and maybe, I'll meet someone there.
I've started making new friends. Had drinks with a girlfriend on Friday night. We had a great time. Played some pool, and played poorly...however, I'm getting better. That's a good thing.
I've had my daughter here the past 2 weeks, and her boyfriend was here this past week. So, this is the first week that I'll have my new basement apartment to myself! YAY! I'm kind of excited about that. I spent my day cleaning up, doing laundry, and watching The Gilmore Girls on dvd.
As to giving up....well, maybe not totally, but in the internet dating scene, I'm done.
This means that I'm getting out more. I'm doing more things. I want to do those things. Next stop...new library card, as I need to read...and want to do so, and maybe, I'll meet someone there.
I've started making new friends. Had drinks with a girlfriend on Friday night. We had a great time. Played some pool, and played poorly...however, I'm getting better. That's a good thing.
I've had my daughter here the past 2 weeks, and her boyfriend was here this past week. So, this is the first week that I'll have my new basement apartment to myself! YAY! I'm kind of excited about that. I spent my day cleaning up, doing laundry, and watching The Gilmore Girls on dvd.
As to giving up....well, maybe not totally, but in the internet dating scene, I'm done.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Easter
Happy Easter to everyone. I have spent my day with my daughter, Shayna, her new boyfriend, Matt, Momma P., Pappy, Rachel, and Diane. Chey will be here later, and tomorrow, will be up at the camper. As much as I love holidays, I can't help but be a little bit sad as well.
I can't help but think that there are people who are missing. My son, Christopher, his wife, and sons, who refuse to speak to me anymore; my son, Andrew, who is in Arkansas; and my son, David, who is going through his own hard times, and doesn't want much to do with me either. I know that Christopher's decisions are his own, and I respect them, however, it still just really hurts to know that he won't speak to me, that he has chosen this path. It causes a lot of pain.
I also know that I have my own abandonment issues, and this makes me hurt all the more. I would love nothing more than to have a holiday with my family all around me. I've always been very family focused, and to not have 3 of my children here saddens me. It is what it is.
I am very thankful that Shayna is here. She is the light of my life, and makes me realize how fully fortunate I am, that I have her.
Anyway...here's sending y'all Blessed Easter Wishes! I am hoping that you are spending your day surrounded by your families, and enjoying their company. Sending love!
I can't help but think that there are people who are missing. My son, Christopher, his wife, and sons, who refuse to speak to me anymore; my son, Andrew, who is in Arkansas; and my son, David, who is going through his own hard times, and doesn't want much to do with me either. I know that Christopher's decisions are his own, and I respect them, however, it still just really hurts to know that he won't speak to me, that he has chosen this path. It causes a lot of pain.
I also know that I have my own abandonment issues, and this makes me hurt all the more. I would love nothing more than to have a holiday with my family all around me. I've always been very family focused, and to not have 3 of my children here saddens me. It is what it is.
I am very thankful that Shayna is here. She is the light of my life, and makes me realize how fully fortunate I am, that I have her.
Anyway...here's sending y'all Blessed Easter Wishes! I am hoping that you are spending your day surrounded by your families, and enjoying their company. Sending love!
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Ahhh April
It's April and Spring is finally springing. The tree in my front yard is starting to bloom, and I can see that it's a Japanese Cherry Tree. It will be beautiful when it finally blooms all the way. All of those pink blossoms...pretty!
The weather is starting to warm up, and it's short's weather. I had to purchase new shorts, because all of my old ones were way too big. I was literally swimming in them. YAY! Weight loss has been good. I'm starting to use an Ab Roller, and hopefully, by next summer, I might just get into a bikini...Not getting my hopes, up, but at least I'm exercising.
I've moved to the basement "semi-apartment" in our house. I call it a "semi" apartment because I don't have a full bath or a kitchen, and have to go upstairs for those things...but I don't mind. I'm working on where I want to put all of my stuff...not that I have very much, but I have some stuff. Lamar left me a beautiful bedroom suite, a living room that was fully furnished, including a HUGE tv...I'm in heaven! The sofas are black leather, and so, I'm thinking to add some kind of color, and I think that I want hot pink in here. It'll look really pretty with all of that black. I'm also thinking of doing some kind of sofa sized painting. I want to do it myself. So maybe just get a big canvas, already stretched, and do something with hot pink and orange paint. Not sure if I want to use acrylics or oils, but am leaning towards the acrylics.
Shayna had her MRI done on her left knee yesterday. Now, we're just waiting for the results. My life has been pretty busy lately, and I've been doing a lot of traveling. I have to head down to Lynchburg, VA for my dad's birthday at the end of this month. Am hoping that things will slow down a bit.
I haven't even had the time to date lately. Not that I want to do a whole lot of dating. I'm finding that men, for the most part, are stupid. Who REALLY wants to receive a photo of a man's private parts on their cell phone? NOT ME! I don't understand WHY someone would send that to me, and I didn't ASK for it. What provokes someone to do that? HELLO? Do they think that it turns me on? Is that supposed to make me want to have sex with them? Do I look like a woman who is only looking for sex? Heck, I can get that anytime. I want a RELATIONSHIP! Is it THAT difficult for men to actually WANT a relationship with a nice woman? If they want it, here's some advice, QUIT ACTING LIKE A 2 YEAR OLD!
The weather is starting to warm up, and it's short's weather. I had to purchase new shorts, because all of my old ones were way too big. I was literally swimming in them. YAY! Weight loss has been good. I'm starting to use an Ab Roller, and hopefully, by next summer, I might just get into a bikini...Not getting my hopes, up, but at least I'm exercising.
I've moved to the basement "semi-apartment" in our house. I call it a "semi" apartment because I don't have a full bath or a kitchen, and have to go upstairs for those things...but I don't mind. I'm working on where I want to put all of my stuff...not that I have very much, but I have some stuff. Lamar left me a beautiful bedroom suite, a living room that was fully furnished, including a HUGE tv...I'm in heaven! The sofas are black leather, and so, I'm thinking to add some kind of color, and I think that I want hot pink in here. It'll look really pretty with all of that black. I'm also thinking of doing some kind of sofa sized painting. I want to do it myself. So maybe just get a big canvas, already stretched, and do something with hot pink and orange paint. Not sure if I want to use acrylics or oils, but am leaning towards the acrylics.
Shayna had her MRI done on her left knee yesterday. Now, we're just waiting for the results. My life has been pretty busy lately, and I've been doing a lot of traveling. I have to head down to Lynchburg, VA for my dad's birthday at the end of this month. Am hoping that things will slow down a bit.
I haven't even had the time to date lately. Not that I want to do a whole lot of dating. I'm finding that men, for the most part, are stupid. Who REALLY wants to receive a photo of a man's private parts on their cell phone? NOT ME! I don't understand WHY someone would send that to me, and I didn't ASK for it. What provokes someone to do that? HELLO? Do they think that it turns me on? Is that supposed to make me want to have sex with them? Do I look like a woman who is only looking for sex? Heck, I can get that anytime. I want a RELATIONSHIP! Is it THAT difficult for men to actually WANT a relationship with a nice woman? If they want it, here's some advice, QUIT ACTING LIKE A 2 YEAR OLD!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Tueday...blah's...
So, it's just another Tuesday...I am just bored out of my mind today, and I'm not really sure why that is. My daughter is here visiting until Thursday, the weather is beautiful, and I am bored. It makes no sense. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I've been running around like crazy in the past couple of weeks, so much so, that I haven't even had time to blog.
I had a date on Sunday night...casual dating just sucks. Am still talking to another gentleman, and he is a gentleman, which makes a big difference, but nothing serious on the futurecast. We'll see what happens.
I'm just not into the dating scene. I don't care for it, and I don't understand the rules these days. I think that if a man is interested in me, enough so, to have asked for my contact information, and I was interested enough to give it to him, he should be calling me within 48 hours. Don't think that I'm being unreasonable. Also, if I send a text message, then answer it. If you aren't interested in me, just say so...it's so much easier than just ignoring it. Whatever...I just don't get it.
So, had a court hearing for my son yesterday, and they are hoping to close our his case on May 15th. YAY! Court still just drains me, both physically and emotionally. I called the Jefferson County, WV Courthouse today, only to be told that my soon-to-be-ex-husband did NOT file any papers with them, and that I could have filed here in PA about 2 months ago. He said he filed papers...there's nothing there...I don't think that the clerk is lying to me. I can't abide liars. I don't see the reason for it.
So, that's been my week so far...it's going to get busier the rest of this week, and now, I need to go and make dinner for my daughter, Momma P, and Pap!
I had a date on Sunday night...casual dating just sucks. Am still talking to another gentleman, and he is a gentleman, which makes a big difference, but nothing serious on the futurecast. We'll see what happens.
I'm just not into the dating scene. I don't care for it, and I don't understand the rules these days. I think that if a man is interested in me, enough so, to have asked for my contact information, and I was interested enough to give it to him, he should be calling me within 48 hours. Don't think that I'm being unreasonable. Also, if I send a text message, then answer it. If you aren't interested in me, just say so...it's so much easier than just ignoring it. Whatever...I just don't get it.
So, had a court hearing for my son yesterday, and they are hoping to close our his case on May 15th. YAY! Court still just drains me, both physically and emotionally. I called the Jefferson County, WV Courthouse today, only to be told that my soon-to-be-ex-husband did NOT file any papers with them, and that I could have filed here in PA about 2 months ago. He said he filed papers...there's nothing there...I don't think that the clerk is lying to me. I can't abide liars. I don't see the reason for it.
So, that's been my week so far...it's going to get busier the rest of this week, and now, I need to go and make dinner for my daughter, Momma P, and Pap!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
20-something boys!
So, if the title of this blog post didn't get your attention, I'm not sure what will. Lately, I've been going out a lot. Usually Friday nights will find my friend/sister, Rachel, at a club with live music, and Sunday nights will find me a local sports bar with Danny, shooting pool.
The past few times that I've been out, I've been noticing something interesting. 20-something boys are hitting on me. I don't know what that is all about. It's flattering, certainly, however, I'm starting to wonder if I don't have the word "teacher" or "tutor" tattooed on my forehead. It's kind of scary. Where are the MEN in my age range?
Not that 20-something boys aren't fun, they are, and they're good for kissing, but not too much else, for a woman like me. I want a man. I'm not looking for a boy. I've got 3 sons. I don't need another one. I'm not looking to teach someone, and I'm not a cougar.
So, where does this leave me? Well, I guess, I'll have some fun with the 20-something boys while it lasts!
The past few times that I've been out, I've been noticing something interesting. 20-something boys are hitting on me. I don't know what that is all about. It's flattering, certainly, however, I'm starting to wonder if I don't have the word "teacher" or "tutor" tattooed on my forehead. It's kind of scary. Where are the MEN in my age range?
Not that 20-something boys aren't fun, they are, and they're good for kissing, but not too much else, for a woman like me. I want a man. I'm not looking for a boy. I've got 3 sons. I don't need another one. I'm not looking to teach someone, and I'm not a cougar.
So, where does this leave me? Well, I guess, I'll have some fun with the 20-something boys while it lasts!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Fridays are great!
Ahhh....Friday night! Lovin' it! Tonight, I'm hanging out with Rachel and the girls at The Drinking Bone in Wormleysburg, PA. I've been told that a great band is going to be playing tonight, called Green Eggs. I've had a bit of a head cold, but I'm still going to go tonight.
Did some shopping today...new pair of jeans...sized smaller than the last pair that I bought! YAY! So nice to know that I'm getting smaller. It's been some work to get my body here, but not too much. Of course, since I'm a non-eater when I'm stressed out, it hasn't been too much work. Just some swimming in the pool this past summer to build some muscle. I'll also be spending a lot of time in the pool this coming summer as well, to build some more muscle. I love to swim and work out in the pool. There is just nothing better. Every muscle is used, and the water provides the resistance, and my body is supported by the water as well. It's also relaxing on top of it all. What a better way to get into shape?
Still doing the internet dating thing. Seems to be working, although, I met a gentleman in a club on Sunday who didn't believe that I was 45 years old. He thought that I was 36! HAHAHAHAHA! What a boost to the ego. Had to give him a kiss on the cheek for that! It's kind of fun looking a lot younger these days.
Did some shopping today...new pair of jeans...sized smaller than the last pair that I bought! YAY! So nice to know that I'm getting smaller. It's been some work to get my body here, but not too much. Of course, since I'm a non-eater when I'm stressed out, it hasn't been too much work. Just some swimming in the pool this past summer to build some muscle. I'll also be spending a lot of time in the pool this coming summer as well, to build some more muscle. I love to swim and work out in the pool. There is just nothing better. Every muscle is used, and the water provides the resistance, and my body is supported by the water as well. It's also relaxing on top of it all. What a better way to get into shape?
Still doing the internet dating thing. Seems to be working, although, I met a gentleman in a club on Sunday who didn't believe that I was 45 years old. He thought that I was 36! HAHAHAHAHA! What a boost to the ego. Had to give him a kiss on the cheek for that! It's kind of fun looking a lot younger these days.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Cheshire Cat
The past week, I've been finding myself grinning like the Cheshire Cat from Alice In Wonderland. Today, that grin has gotten even bigger. I had coffee with a new man today...and I must say that he intrigues me, and makes me think about who I want to be, and how I want to be in a relationship. He allows for me to be who I am, and accepts that I'm not the same as he, and wants me to be different than he. Gotta love that in a man. He is secure in himself, and likes women. I haven't met too many men like that. Oh, I meet men...don't get me wrong, it's never been too difficult for me to find dates, but those men weren't really men, they were over-grown boys. This man, is a MAN!
It's also the fact that he likes women. He is a man who enjoys a woman's opinions, who thinks that women's opinions make his life better, and that those same opinions are always given consideration before he makes a decision. WOW! I guess I haven't been with men before...because this fact about him really amazes me. He's kind, and gentle, and is a gentleman...walked me to my car, opened it's door for me, gave me a quick kiss goodbye, and told me to drive safely. There was an e-mail waiting for me when I got home, to tell me that he enjoyed my company today. I love that.
So, while I'm not getting my hopes up to high, I'm going to enjoy this time in my life, and enjoy getting to know him better, and hopefully, it will move forward and into a relationship.
It's also the fact that he likes women. He is a man who enjoys a woman's opinions, who thinks that women's opinions make his life better, and that those same opinions are always given consideration before he makes a decision. WOW! I guess I haven't been with men before...because this fact about him really amazes me. He's kind, and gentle, and is a gentleman...walked me to my car, opened it's door for me, gave me a quick kiss goodbye, and told me to drive safely. There was an e-mail waiting for me when I got home, to tell me that he enjoyed my company today. I love that.
So, while I'm not getting my hopes up to high, I'm going to enjoy this time in my life, and enjoy getting to know him better, and hopefully, it will move forward and into a relationship.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Just sad today
I'm not sure what is going on with me today. I just feel so sad, and I'm not sure why. I guess part of it is that I'm feeling a bit lonely, even though I have the best friends, and I really do. However, I really do want a love relationship. I want someone to share very intimate thoughts and emotions with, and someone who will just hold me when I'm feeling sad, and be there, and just let me cry.
I see all of these happy couples, and then there's my ex, who so easily moved on from our marriage into another relationship, while yet, I did nothing to ask for my situation, and he planned it for a full year, and I'm still alone. Now, I did take a year to spend by myself to allow myself to grieve the failure of the possibilities of our marriage, but now, that I'm ready for another try at love, I'm just not finding what I want. I don't know if I'm looking in the wrong places, or if I'm just not putting myself out there enough. Who knows. I can be patient, but I'm not THAT patient. I also don't want to just jump into something with just any man. I plan on being picky! I think that I deserve that much! My turn to get what I want, while still being what my future match wants!
Wish me luck!
I see all of these happy couples, and then there's my ex, who so easily moved on from our marriage into another relationship, while yet, I did nothing to ask for my situation, and he planned it for a full year, and I'm still alone. Now, I did take a year to spend by myself to allow myself to grieve the failure of the possibilities of our marriage, but now, that I'm ready for another try at love, I'm just not finding what I want. I don't know if I'm looking in the wrong places, or if I'm just not putting myself out there enough. Who knows. I can be patient, but I'm not THAT patient. I also don't want to just jump into something with just any man. I plan on being picky! I think that I deserve that much! My turn to get what I want, while still being what my future match wants!
Wish me luck!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentine's Day
Today is Valentine's Day! So, to those of you who follow me, let me wish you all a day filled with love and surprises.
For me, however, I'm finding myself being very mopey today. I'm thinking that I'd like to hibernate until this day is over. I'm also thinking that is what I am going to do. Maybe I can just sleep until tomorrow.
It's hit me today that I'm pretty lonely. I have plenty of people in my life, who make my life fun, and enjoyable. However, I'm really realizing today that I really want someone in my life for a more intimate and loving relationship. I miss that a lot.
For me, however, I'm finding myself being very mopey today. I'm thinking that I'd like to hibernate until this day is over. I'm also thinking that is what I am going to do. Maybe I can just sleep until tomorrow.
It's hit me today that I'm pretty lonely. I have plenty of people in my life, who make my life fun, and enjoyable. However, I'm really realizing today that I really want someone in my life for a more intimate and loving relationship. I miss that a lot.
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