Saturday, February 9, 2013

New job starts on Monday

It's my last weekend before the new job starts.  I'm worried about the new frontier that I'll be heading into.  It's not as if I've never held a full time job before; however, I haven't worked full time in almost 15 years....I worked MORE than 40 hours a week as a mother, wife, and employee.  I've held part time jobs for the past 15 years, and have been able and fortunate enough to have worked around my children's school schedules, including having most summers off, so that I could stay home with them.  It was a joy and a privilege to be their mother.  Now, however, it's time for their mom to start doing some things for just herself.  Being a full time student and going back to college was a huge step for me.  A step that I am fully proud of, and thrilled that I'm doing as well as I'm doing with that endeavor.  I am sure that I will do the same with this new one as well.  I've always been a survivor, and that's just what I'm doing, surviving, and making the best of what I've been given.  It just gets to me, though, that at this time in my life that I HAVE to do these things.  I didn't ask for this lot, but I've been given it, and I will succeed, because I have to and because I want to.  I have never been one to do things half way, and this is no different.  If I can't give my best effort to it, then I shouldn't be doing it anyway.  So, I'll say it again, "Look out world!  Here I come, and just watch me be better than anything that my ex says that I would be"!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Trust

I think that trust is a big deal.  Call me crazy, but I think that if there's no trust, there cannot be anything else.  There can be no love relationship without trust.  I have a very difficult time trusting people anymore.  I find that most people are not trustworthy.  It just seems to me that most people don't care about my feelings, at least not as much as I care about theirs.  I find it frustrating, and find that I know that while they are being untrustworthy, I'm being trustworthy.  Then, that makes me feel stupid, because I trusted that person with my feelings, with my heart, and all they do is step on both.  Makes me wonder what is wrong with me, and truth is that it's not that the problem is with me, my only mistake was trusting the wrong person.  I refuse to be put in that place again, I refuse to be that vulnerable again.  I don't want to trust anyone until they make it clear that they are worthy of my trust.  Don't ask me to trust you until you prove to me that I can trust you.  Until then, hell can freeze over before I will trust you.  I guess that is just something that the people in my life will have to deal with.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Formal Employment

Today, I got the best news that I could hear.  I have had two interviews with Susquehanna Memorial Gardens and Mt. Rose Cemetery, had to go through background checks, both criminal and driver's license, and a pre-employment drug screen.  I wasn't expecting the results of all 3 of these to be back so soon, and neither was my new employer.  It seems as though I've passed everything with flying colors, and am now a new Family Service Counselor there.  Whoo Hoo!

Now, I'm doing a happy dance, but truthfully, deep down, I'm concerned about working full time again.  It's been a long time since I've worked full time, and then this job is fully commission...can I do this?  Is it possible?  What about school?  Can I handle both school and working full time?  I'm about to have a melt down over this...I expected it to happen, but this is really hitting me quickly too.  It's strange to be so excited about a new venture, and then be apprehensive about it all at the same time.

So, wish me luck, and hope and pray that my nerves calm down.  I'm sure that I'll be ok, and that this new venture is going to work out just fine.