Fridays are great!

Ahhh....Friday night!  Lovin' it!  Tonight, I'm hanging out with Rachel and the girls at The Drinking Bone in Wormleysburg, PA.  I've been told that a great band is going to be playing tonight, called Green Eggs.  I've had a bit of a head cold, but I'm still going to go tonight.


Did some shopping today...new pair of jeans...sized smaller than the last pair that I bought!  YAY!  So nice to know that I'm getting smaller.  It's been some work to get my body here, but not too much.  Of course, since I'm a non-eater when I'm stressed out, it hasn't been too much work.  Just some swimming in the pool this past summer to build some muscle.  I'll also be spending a lot of time in the pool this coming summer as well, to build some more muscle.  I love to swim and work out in the pool.  There is just nothing better.  Every muscle is used, and the water provides the resistance, and my body is supported by the water as well.  It's also relaxing on top of it all.  What a better way to get into shape?


Still doing the internet dating thing.  Seems to be working, although, I met a gentleman in a club on Sunday who didn't believe that I was 45 years old.  He thought that I was 36!  HAHAHAHAHA!  What a boost to the ego.  Had to give him a kiss on the cheek for that!  It's kind of fun looking a lot younger these days.

Cheshire Cat

The past week, I've been finding myself grinning like the Cheshire Cat from Alice In Wonderland.  Today, that grin has gotten even bigger.  I had coffee with a new man today...and I must say that he intrigues me, and makes me think about who I want to be, and how I want to be in a relationship.  He allows for me to be who I am, and accepts that I'm not the same as he, and wants me to be different than he.  Gotta love that in a man.  He is secure in himself, and likes women.  I haven't met too many men like that.  Oh, I meet men...don't get me wrong, it's never been too difficult for me to find dates, but those men weren't really men, they were over-grown boys.  This man, is a MAN!  


It's also the fact that he likes women.  He is a man who enjoys a woman's opinions, who thinks that women's opinions make his life better, and that those same opinions are always given consideration before he makes a decision.  WOW!  I guess I haven't been with men before...because this fact about him really amazes me.  He's kind, and gentle, and is a gentleman...walked me to my car, opened it's door for me, gave me a quick kiss goodbye, and told me to drive safely.  There was an e-mail waiting for me when I got home, to tell me that he enjoyed my company today.  I love that.


So, while I'm not getting my hopes up to high, I'm going to enjoy this time in my life, and enjoy getting to know him better, and hopefully, it will move forward and into a relationship.

Just sad today

I'm not sure what is going on with me today.  I just feel so sad, and I'm not sure why.  I guess part of it is that I'm feeling a bit lonely, even though I have the best friends, and I really do.  However, I really do want a love relationship. I want someone to share very intimate thoughts and emotions with, and someone who will just hold me when I'm feeling sad, and be there, and just let me cry.


I see all of these happy couples, and then there's my ex, who so easily moved on from our marriage into another relationship, while yet, I did nothing to ask for my situation, and he planned it for a full year, and I'm still alone.  Now, I did take a year to spend by myself to allow myself to grieve the failure of the possibilities of our marriage, but now, that I'm ready for another try at love, I'm just not finding what I want.  I don't know if I'm looking in the wrong places, or if I'm just not putting myself out there enough.  Who knows.  I can be patient, but I'm not THAT patient.  I also don't want to just jump into something with just any man.  I plan on being picky!  I think that I deserve that much!  My turn to get what I want, while still being what my future match wants!


Wish me luck!

Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's Day!  So, to those of you who follow me, let me wish you all a day filled with love and surprises.


For me, however, I'm finding myself being very mopey today.  I'm thinking that I'd like to hibernate until this day is over.  I'm also thinking that is what I am going to do.  Maybe I can just sleep until tomorrow.  


It's hit me today that I'm pretty lonely.  I have plenty of people in my life, who make my life fun, and enjoyable.  However, I'm really realizing today that I really want someone in my life for a more intimate and loving relationship.  I miss that a lot.  

Dating

So, the modern dating world sucks.  Can I just say that?  I was never really what one would call a Serial Dater, as I always had relationships, but I did some dating in my day.


It seemed to be a lot easier back then.  Now, however, it's so frustrating.  I'm finding it difficult to meet men.  And I mean MEN, not over-grown little boys.  I don't want to be a teacher, and I don't want to be a mother.  I want a MAN.  Someone who knows who he is, where he is going, and to be willing to share his life with me.  The problem is, where to find these men.  


Online dating is awful.  First date that I went on, the guy, I can't call him a man, grabbed my butt.  That NEVER happened when I was younger.  I had to threaten him with my Pap, who is a retired police officer from NJ.  Then, I had one person (male) message me a couple of times, then get all freaked out when I went out with my best friend, because said best friend is a man, and obviously THAT was too much for insecure baby-boy to deal with.  I had to tell him to never contact me again!  I won't be giving up my best friend for anyone!  And for someone that I haven't even gone on a date with to demand that I do that, or to suggest that the friendship is more than it is, was just disgusting!


I've met a couple of nice men, and I've had 3 dates with one of them.  I like him, but I never know if we're going to be going out one night to the next...not that it's a big issue, and we're not really dating, but sometimes it's confusing.  I like him, but don't know how much he likes me, and that also frustrates me.  


So, anyway....being an old fashioned girl doesn't help my case either.  I don't ask men out on dates...I think that they should be asking me, and maybe even chasing me a bit...I don't know...maybe I'm doing something wrong.  Anyway...just a bit of a vent today!

New and Improved ME!

So, as you can see, I've lost a lot of weight over the past year.  I must say that it feels good to look and be thinner.  It has also been really good for my back.  I'm down 62 lbs, and want to lose another 48 for the full 100!  It's a good thing.  I uploaded an album to my facebook last night, and titled it: "Before and after the separation".  It was a compilation of photos, in order from 2007 to the present, and you can really see the changes in my body, as well as my face.  The changes to my face are what really hit me the hardest.  I looked tired and worn out before the separation.  My first thought was no wonder Kent didn't want me anymore...I look awful.  Then, I reminded myself that marriage is for better or worse.  That was worse!  Now, I'm better, and he still doesn't want me, NOT that it matters, as I won't ever get back together with him, but it just stood out in my mind.  I also looked over worried, and frustrated.  Now, I just look happy.  I am laughing or smiling in almost every photo, but in the older ones, I could see that the smile didn't really reach my eyes.  What a difference a year has made!  The big plus?  The dress in the above photo is 2 sizes smaller than one that I bought this past August, and 6 sizes smaller than the one I bought last year!  Whoo Hoo!


So, I'm improving, physically, mentally, and even spiritually.  God and I aren't on the same page yet, but I'm so glad that He has big shoulders and can take my being angry with Him and the situation that I'm finding myself in.  I'm not sure if I'm fully blaming God for my husband's failures, but I think that He could have touched my husband's heart to love me, care for me, and be there for me, as he was supposed to be.  I was THAT wife.  I was the Proverbs 31 Woman...and yet, even being all that I was supposed to be, my husband thought that I wasn't enough either for him, or for God, and let me know that.  I am still struggling with how God fits into all of this.


I'm working on my trust issues, and allowing myself to trust people again.  I know that most people are not out to hurt me, and that those who are closest to me love me enough to take care with who I am, and to not cause me any unnecessary pain.  I'm thankful for those people, and truthfully, I trust them fully! 


I'm a work in progress!

After the Mammogram

So, I had the dreaded mammogram on Friday afternoon.  First off, I have to say that I am so glad that I no longer have that time of the month, as it would have been unbearable, but it wasn't too bad.  Since there has been no phone call today, and the tech allowed me to look at my images, and said that everything looks good, that's awesome news.

Now, mammograms save lives, and they are important.  However, I, for one, had successfully managed to avoid it for 10 years.  I should not have put it off that long.  I do my monthly self-exams, and usually take my doctor's advice, but I was wrong in not doing this.  It was a quick 10 minutes in the exam room, and then a bit of smooshing, and it was all done.  

Since breast cancer can also affect men, I think that everyone should have this test done.  Be healthy...as the people who love me said this past week: "it's better to have them smooshed than to lose one"!

Busy Wednesday

Ahhh...It's hump day!  My work week is almost over, and I only have 2 more days until Saturday.  That always makes me feel better.  Not that I don't love my job...which is true, I love what I'm doing now, but weekends are always great.  This weekend is going to be great, as Shayna will be home, and she's bringing her friend, Jamie and her 3 year old son, Tanner.  It will make this a full house, but that's ok.  Not sure where everyone's going to sleep, but we always make it work.  


Tomorrow, we're going to take Jamie and Tanner to Chocolate World.  I always love going there, and for some reason, it never gets boring for me!  I guess that there is just something about singing cows that crack me up and get me going! On Friday, I have my dreaded Mammogram.  Yes, I pre-registered today...but I'm so not looking forward to this test.  Hopefully, I'll work in a date with Joe in the next 2 days.


I'm really looking forward to seeing him.  Not sure what's up with that...scary a bit, to be honest, but nonetheless, I'm really looking forward to seeing him. I guess there's something about a man who makes me think, and makes me want to be better.  I like that.  Maybe it's the challenge...we'll see...and I'll keep y'all posted on that situation.


So, today, I had 2 jobs to do, and then I ran to the grocery store, started my lasgne for dinner, and now, am just waiting until 5:30 to put it in the oven.  I'm also making a ceasar salad and garlic bread to go with dinner.  Yummy!  I don't make this dish often, and I'm so glad that I'm making it tonight.  Shayna loves it, and hopefully, Danny will be able to come down for dinner too, he may have to work, so I'll TRY to save him a piece, but I can't guarantee that for him!  Poor man!  He'll be missing out on good eats, for sure.


Hope that y'all are having good weeks as well!