Family

I'm wondering what the above word means to people...FAMILY.  To me, I guess it means those to whom I am connected.  It doesn't have to be a biological connection, because the truth is that I was adopted, so I really don't have more than casual friendships with my biological family, those whom I know.  So, there's my adopted family...where I am the eldest of 6 children, 4 of us adopted, and I'm not very close with any of them either.  I guess that's because I always feel judged by them.  


So,then, there's the family that we create as we become adults, and we have our own children, and they have children.  Since going through this ugliness called a divorce, it leaves me wondering about all of that too....Are the children that I raised, who were actually my ex-husband's biological children, and not mine, actually mine?  Were they ever really mine?  That's really difficult to judge these days, as I'm just not sure.  It was me, you know, who made sure that the ex-husband and I visited our eldest son and his family 4 times a year, and it was me, who had to hear him complain about having to take the time off to go, and it was me, who had to hear him complain about the money we were spending, and whatever else it was that he complained about.  But yet, the one thing that I've wanted to do all summer, he's doing this weekend.  He's visiting our grandkids, our son, and our daughter-in-love.  So...who keeps the kids?


I'm watching my 16 year old son's life, literally, fall apart in front of my eyes, yet NO ONE thought that it just MIGHT be important to inform this kid's mother that he was in trouble.  Now, it's too late for me to fix it, and this kid will have to face whatever the court hands to him on Tuesday.  That, in and of itself, is breaking my heart.  His father truly doesn't think that I belong in that child's life, and for that, I'm going to have to hold him in contempt of court, which will just leave my son angry and push him further away from me.  I haven't the foggiest of ideas of what to do about him.  


Then, I spent my day at another family reunion...and it was interesting, to meet some new people, but really, they aren't mine either.  Yes, I know that they love me, and that I am family, but it just doesn't seem the same.  I must say how much I love this new family that I'm creating, of people who love me, and surround me with how much they love me.  I'm thankful to them for that much.  


So, I haven't figured out what the true meaning of FAMILY is...but I also think that it has to do with the fact that families are always evolving, always growing, always moving.  It's not a bad thing, really, it is just how it is.  Now, it leaves me to get it figured out for myself...