Thinking

I'm sitting here, in my bed...kind of something that I enjoy doing...first off, because my bed is REALLY comfortable, and secondly, because it's 11:02 pm...and I'm thinkin'.  Sometimes, that's not such a good thing, my sitting here thinkin', but tonight, I think that it's a good thing.


I'm thinkin' that I really need to just pull myself away from some issues, and then put myself in the front row for others, and still, for other situations, I have to actually come off of the sidelines, and jump into the fray.  


My ex says that I'm a fighter...I've always been a fighter...sometimes, I'm scrappy, and I'll kick some major booty if I feel it's necessary, and others, it's just a war of words...of which, I'll also kick some major booty, because I have a much better vocabulary (thanks Mrs. Wolfe for your awesome teaching skills, and for making me read!) than my opponent.  It means that I don't give up very easily, and if I think that I am right...and I do my research, then I'll beat a dead horse, until it's lying in pieces.  Other times, I may just shut up, and allow the other person to hang themselves...and sometimes, the later is just more fun!  


Sometimes, however, I spend way too much time in my own head.  Today, has been one of those days.  I've spent way too much time in my own head.  When that happens, I usually end up miserable, and today, I asked Brian to postpone hang out time, until tomorrow, because I was too much in my head, and ended up in tears over stupid stuff.  


Truth is that I'm tired of crying...and the other truth is that I know there will be more tears.  Matter of fact, I'm not sure when there will be an end to the tears.  I know it won't be this week, that's for sure.  I know for a fact, that I'll probably end up driving home from Gettysburg in a cloud of tears and sorrow for my son.  At this point, there's no sense in worrying, as it won't change anything, and there is nothing that I can really do.  It's all in the hands of a juvenile judge, who will do what he has to do, and I will ask for the strictest allowable sentence for my kid, who needs it, to hopefully, bring him back to where he needs to be, and for his father, who, in my not-so-humble-opinion, needs to have his ASS whipped!  So...for now, I'm going to borrow my best friend's netflix account, and watch Dane Cook.  I've heard that he's really funny, and the other truth is that I NEED A LAUGH!