illnesses

One of the things that I hate the most is getting sick.  First off, since I deal with chronic pain on a daily basis, illness just makes everything worse.  Secondly, my immune system isn't as strong as others, as I don't go out very much, although, that has changed a lot in the last 8 months...but I'm still not around a whole lot of people.  So, what happens, when I get sick, what others have, I usually get twice as bad.


Today started off with a nice round of vomiting, followed by 2 hours of the dry heaves, and we're finishing off with about 12 hours (so far) of intestinal issues.  To say that today has been no fun at all is an understatement.  


Now, for everyone else, dry heaves are bad enough, but when you have the back issues that I have, it makes it a bit more difficult to deal with.  Crawling to the bathroom, because you can't stand up, because your back hurts so bad, and your left leg is so numb that you can't feel it, and falling is your worst nightmare, you crawl, but when you are thinking about vomiting, then it gets worse, and you're not sure that you can crawl that fast....so, you decide to run...but still can't feel one of your legs due to the numbness you end up on your knees anyway.  Then, that heaving makes the back hurt even more, and the pressure on my spinal cord makes that left leg feel even more numb, and that burning, pins and needles feeling is almost unbearable.  


Most of the time, I can't even begin to explain the pain that I feel in my body, and I've realized that the reason why is that there really aren't words in the English Language to describe what I feel.  A lot of chronic pain patients complain of the same thing.  It gets very frustrating for us, because as we can't express what we feel, we know that PAIN is real, but since we aren't bleeding, or very little shows up on the tests the doctors give us, a lot of the time, the medical field thinks that we are lying, or worse, drug addicts seeking medication.  


Then, add to that frustration, the fact that we LOOK normal, but feel anything but, and then if we are fortunate enough to have doctors who believe us, and try to help us through medication, or in my case, a neuro-stimulator implant, and we're able to get handicapped tags, when we try to use those tags, to park our car at the mall, or the grocery store, or any place else for that matter, because we don't have a VISIBLE disability, therefore, we are faking it...


I can't tell you how many times that I have had to explain to someone who was actually RUDE enough to say something to me about the scars on my back or the implant in my back.  It's gotten so bad that I've actually lifted the back of my shirt, and SHOWN them.  I've even said something like: "gee, you don't look stupid, but looks can be deceiving".  It's not fun.  So, I guess, what I'd like is for others to stop judging what you don't understand, and can't comprehend, and I'll stop being sarcastic to them.