truth

 [trooth]    Origin, 

truth

   [trooth]  Show IPA

noun, plural truths  [troothz, trooths]  Show IPA.

1.

the true  or actual state of a matter: He tried to find out the truth.

2.

conformity with fact or reality; verity: the truth of a statement.

3.

a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like: mathematical truths.

4.

the state or character of being true.

5.

actuality or actual existence.

So, today, I'm thinking about the above word:  TRUTH.  What it comes down to is that we're all searching for the truth, but what truth is it that we are all searching for?  Is it YOUR truth, MY truth, or the truth that just is?  Ask any divorce attorney, and they'll tell you that TRUTH lies somewhere in between his side of the story, and her side of the story, however to both parties in a divorce, each person believes their own truth.  Each person's truth has to do with their own reality....

A few days ago, a friend made an observation about my blog, and what I am blogging about, and I found her thoughts very interesting.  She said that I was searching for my own truth in all of this, and she finds my blog very refreshing because I'm actually speaking about the truth of things.

I'm not sure that my side of the divorce is correct, but it is as far as I am concerned.  I AM putting my feelings out there in cyberspace, I AM using my blog to figure out who I am, what I want, what I need, and what is MY truth.  My blog isn't for everyone, and I certainly don't think that everyone should read it.  Truthfully, I'm not sure if my ex has ever read it, and I don't really care if he does...and IF he does, maybe he'll see where I am coming from, because he didn't listen to me when I needed him to listen to me, because I wasn't the number one priority in his life, as a wife should have been.

I'm also not claiming to be an angel in our marriage, I did plenty wrong, and I've been examining that as well.  I still just think that being me, and knowing what I know, and what I need, my needs were NOT being met, and hadn't ever really been met, because I was too busy meeting everyone else's needs to realize what my own needs were.  Maybe because I didn't expect them to be met, maybe because I didn't make sure that they were being met, and maybe because I was too lonely to realize what I needed in my relationships, and just overlooked it, and therefore, made some bad choices in marrying the men that I married because I didn't want to be alone, or because I felt that I needed to be married.  Who knows, at this point, I'm not so sure...but either way, the failure of those marriages was not solely my fault.  

So, back to the above definition of truth, the one that I think I'm going to concentrate upon is #4: The state or character of being True.  That's what I want...I want to stay true to my words, true to myself, and true to what I want and need.  I think that it just might be the greatest gift that I could give to myself.  Instead of looking at the here and now, I need to look more to the future, and how my immediate decisions will affect my future, instead of making snap decisions.  I'm hoping that holding my temper, holding my words, and holding myself will make me a better human being.  I'm hoping that in thinking things through before doing anything, that I'm making myself a better human being.  I think that IS my truth, that all that I really want is to be a better human being, and what I really need is to work towards that.