Hurtful words

So, today, we had the Family Group Meeting for my 16 year old, and to be honest, it went well, and everyone had a chance to speak their minds, and be productive.  I'm all for productive, as I can't stand to waste time, money, and energy...mainly because I have so little of all 3 of the above.  There is more support on my ex-husband's side than I think we all realized, including him, which is an excellent thing...and right now, I'm hopeful that the future will be better.  I'm still holding out all judgement until I see some follow through from everyone else involved, but that's to be expected, I'm sure.


As for the hurtful words, those came from my current husband who is soon to be an ex as well.  We were talking on our cell phones, after we had left the meeting and were heading in our separate ways, and he said that he was able to spend more time with my son, and I asked how his schedule would allow for that, as his schedule and job have always taken precedence over everything else in our lives.  I say OUR lives because it also affected me, and my life, his job.  The man actually had the nerve to say to me the following sentence: and I quote: "I've now paid my dues, and have gotten to where I want to be in my career that I now have the freedom to choose how I spend my time".  RRRREEEEAAAAALLLLLLLLYYYYYYY??????????????????  SERIOUSLY?  You're actually saying this to me?  


The reason that this specific statement was so hurtful was because this is the ONE thing that I had been begging him for for the past 14 years...Please spend more time with me, please spend more time with our kids, and he promised me that when he'd paid his dues, that there would be that time to spend with me and the kids...so I held on, I kept going, kept working just as hard as he did, raising the kids, keeping our home, working my 35+ hour a week job, as well as my volunteer position as an EMT to keep my skills up, and so, personally, I worked just as hard as he did, and to be perfectly honest, maybe harder, to get him where he wanted to get in his career field, so that WE, WE, could reap the benefits...but now, HE gets to reap them, and I am now working a part time job, looking for another part time job, and not seeing kids and grandkids because I can't afford it, and this was all part of that promise...that if we worked hard NOW, we could enjoy LATER...well, y'all...It's LATER...and I'm not getting the benefit of any of MY hard work, and my heart's been broken by this man, and now this?  I am just really, really sad about it, and I don't know what to think.  I know that the the world is NOT fair, but I really just want to shout like a 2 year old..."THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!"  


When will I be able to reap the benefits of the hard work that I put into my life?  That's my question...and I'm sure that it will stay unanswered for quite a long time because, truthfully, I don't think that I can trust another person with ME...who I am, how I feel, and what-not, because HE betrayed all of that, and it kills me that I am now so distrustful of other men.  I don't trust what they say, and I want to, but I just can't.  Not right now.  Maybe, just maybe, God has a plan for me...I'm not so sure anymore, but if He does, and He's not just sitting up there laughing at me for believing my husband, and making my plans to reap the benefits of my hard work, then maybe someone will come into my life that will be too amazing to turn down...until then, I'm reserving my judgement.