So, today, I had to work. It's been a long week, to say the least. While I love the new job...I've missed being in retail. I know, I'm a bit crazy, but the truth is that I've missed talking to people, helping them build their wardrobes, teaching them about foundation garments. You'd be surprised at how many women are wearing the wrong sized bras! Anyway...I'm cranky today! I haven't been this cranky in a very long while. It's probably a good thing that I've got a day off tomorrow...even though I have to go see my doctor for my annual physical! YAY! NOT!
So, in my crankiness, I've been thinking that I want happiness, may have found some, and then I turn around, and someone has to just kick me down again. I'm kind of tired of that.
This weekend, my soon-to-be-ex-husband is down in Williamsburg, visiting our grandchildren, and I just can't say how sad that makes me to know that, yet again, I was good enough to raise his son, and now, I'm not good enough to be a grandmother. I just want to cry. I miss my son, his wife, and my grandsons so very much. I miss being a grandmother. I miss being involved in their lives, and knowing what is going on with them. I just miss being loved by them. I miss a 4 year old's arms around my neck, and his big blue eyes. I'm just not sure what to do about this. It really hurts being on the outside and looking in, and never being asked to join, or visit, or even being spoken to. I don't know how else to put it.
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