New and Improved ME!

So, as you can see, I've lost a lot of weight over the past year.  I must say that it feels good to look and be thinner.  It has also been really good for my back.  I'm down 62 lbs, and want to lose another 48 for the full 100!  It's a good thing.  I uploaded an album to my facebook last night, and titled it: "Before and after the separation".  It was a compilation of photos, in order from 2007 to the present, and you can really see the changes in my body, as well as my face.  The changes to my face are what really hit me the hardest.  I looked tired and worn out before the separation.  My first thought was no wonder Kent didn't want me anymore...I look awful.  Then, I reminded myself that marriage is for better or worse.  That was worse!  Now, I'm better, and he still doesn't want me, NOT that it matters, as I won't ever get back together with him, but it just stood out in my mind.  I also looked over worried, and frustrated.  Now, I just look happy.  I am laughing or smiling in almost every photo, but in the older ones, I could see that the smile didn't really reach my eyes.  What a difference a year has made!  The big plus?  The dress in the above photo is 2 sizes smaller than one that I bought this past August, and 6 sizes smaller than the one I bought last year!  Whoo Hoo!


So, I'm improving, physically, mentally, and even spiritually.  God and I aren't on the same page yet, but I'm so glad that He has big shoulders and can take my being angry with Him and the situation that I'm finding myself in.  I'm not sure if I'm fully blaming God for my husband's failures, but I think that He could have touched my husband's heart to love me, care for me, and be there for me, as he was supposed to be.  I was THAT wife.  I was the Proverbs 31 Woman...and yet, even being all that I was supposed to be, my husband thought that I wasn't enough either for him, or for God, and let me know that.  I am still struggling with how God fits into all of this.


I'm working on my trust issues, and allowing myself to trust people again.  I know that most people are not out to hurt me, and that those who are closest to me love me enough to take care with who I am, and to not cause me any unnecessary pain.  I'm thankful for those people, and truthfully, I trust them fully! 


I'm a work in progress!